Hey guys- Steven and I have had our own blogs for a while now and will probably update those MUCH more than we will with this one! Now that he is here its so fun to post pics and stories about what a great little guy he is! Check out Steven’s blog and my blog.
At 12:42 pm, this thursday, August Henry Bush made his way into the world. He weighed in at 7lbs 3oz & is 19 1/2 inches long. He has a full head of hair!
It has been an amazing day! More thoughts & better pictures are soon to come. Right now I just wanted to show you a picture and let you guys know he is here.
This is a huge day for us. It is one that we have looked forward to since we started this process. Today is the day that we meet our sweet mom. I really could not explain my heart this morning if I tried. I think the only way to, would be to say that my heart is flooding for her this morning. I can’t wait to hug her, give her huge beautiful flowers and tell her how humbled we are that she chose us to parent this baby. I long to tell her that we never want her to factor in hurting us in her decision. We love her and want her to make a decision that she can live with for the rest of her life. I could go on and on. I could seriously talk her head off but I don’t want to do that. Please just pray that we only say what God would have us say today. That my mouth would stay closed when it needs to and only open with words that bring peace and love. It is NOT about us. It is about serving her and making her feel loved. I don’t know what to expect. I am praying against it being awkward and me talking to much because I am nervous!!
We are more than excited. We are ready. We are ready to go forward no matter what that might bring. So many of you have emailed or sent texts and it brings tears to my eyes to think about each of your hearts towards us. We love you all so much and could never repay the amazing love and support you have shown us! Thank you for walking with us through this journey. This is one big week!!
I am going to do this with bullet points because its just easier!
*Friday we found out that we have to have a “home” before we go to Nashville for the adoption. Our new social worker in Texas has to come out and redo our homestudy this week. We were thinking this could be done when we got back. By the grace of God we already had a deposit down on the apt we wanted and they let us move in within 24 hours of that phone call. You can guess what we have been doing all weekend!! I am so excited to have our baby bed and changing table put together!!
*With this new information regarding our homestudy I had to make a very hard decision about Haiti. I knew our social worker was coming out to redo our homestudy and us moving into a new place that it would have been impossible for me to go to Haiti with Jamie this time. We had this trip planned way before we ever got chosen. Its so hard to know that Jamie is walking around Haiti right now and I am not with her.
*One week from today we will be driving to Tennessee!! Its getting crazy close. We are so excited and counting down the days
*I am doing ok with everything. The closer we get the more afraid I become. My days literally consist of me praying/journaling, reading my Bible, trusting, resting, getting up, doing stuff, start worrying again, surrender everything again, journal more, get busy again, start worrying, sit down and trust again and so on. It is getting harder the closer it gets. Everytime I go to God, He is constantly pushing me to trust and rest. Everytime! He just tells me to trust and that He loves me over and over again.
*Here are my fears- I am in love with this child and I long to bring him home to the place we have prepared for him but I am scared of getting hurt. I am more afraid that she will make the wrong decision and hurt for the rest of her life. I have to just pray and leave it there with God. I love adoption but it is sooooo hard!!!!!! Nobody ever said it was easy! I think I am just ready for the chance to meet her. I have to know that God is in control of everyone’s hearts and I am walking right beside him even though it is scary. He is with me and it is so evident!
*When we see him for the first time I want my heart to be fully ready to love. I don’t want to hold back because of fear. I am working towards that. I want to love for as long as we have him. Whether it be for 2 days or for the rest of his life. I know that he is not ours until those papers are signed and the time period is up but I am going to love that child for as long as we have him. (Do I say the same things over and over again in these posts? I think I do but its just good for me to get it all out.) I am very close to this- I just have to keep pushing to get there.
*I am just praying that our mom knows we will take care of this baby as our own. I don’t want her to worry about whether we will love this baby or not. I am just praying that God gives her peace about that in her decision making process.
*The reason I tell you all this is because I want to be honest through this process. I WANT people to learn and adopt because there are so many kids out there that need us! I don’t want to sugar coat anything because its not easy but I know it will all be worth it and I would do it all over again!
*Please pray that our homestudy gets done in time.
*Please pray for all of our hearts. There are so many emotions in all of this.
*Please pray for our stinking house to sell. For the love!!!
*Oh I forgot- We love our new apt!!! It is so homey already and Steven and I are having a blast putting it all together. We love it so much! I look forward to having people over and cooking for them. I look forward to having a place to where our friends and family can come and stay with us. We are sad that we will only be able to stay for a week and then leave for a month! Its nice to have a home.
Alright- I think that is enough updates for now! We will let you know what is coming in the next couple of weeks!!
I have had a hard time with what blog needs to come after our wonderful announcement. I have been trying to think of something to say along the lines of how we are doing and what is going on right now. I don’t like to leave anyone hanging! The more I tried to think of what to say the more I came to grips with the fact that I really didn’t want to share what is going on inside of me and my heart right now. My heart is very messy right now. But for the simple facts that there are many people who are following this blog and if we can be an example to others FOR adoption then I guess being honest can be worth it!?
First of all this is a domestic adoption and the baby will be born on October 2nd (if anyone feels lost here!)
I would think you would all be able to guess how excited we are?? That should be a given.
I don’t really even know how to start all of this but I just wanted to share this part of the journey. Its kind of scattered.
I am very guarded right now. I want you to know before hand that I am already in love with the child that God has for us and will not have a problem becoming attached quickly. There is a small part of me that is scared of getting hurt. I think that could be a given also. This is not a done deal. Its hard for me to let my heart emotionally attach to this specific child. Not because I couldn’t but because I am trying not to.
More than anything the reason that I am guarded is because of the sweet mom of this child. At this point she is very firm in her decision. She has made it very clear what she wants to happen and how much she wants us to parent this child. I have SOOOOOOO much respect for her. She has chosen life.
My heart and my spirit cannot get to a place of 100% embracing the fact that this child is our child yet. I struggle with what she would want of me right now. Would she be disappointed if she knew that I am trying to wait to spill out my love? Does she want me to embrace this child whole heartedly right now as my child? I feel like I am trying to honor her by holding back for right now. I am doing it because I care for her.
I just cannot go there until papers are signed and everything is cleared. I don’t want to go there yet. I want her to have her own time to make this decision and follow through with what she believes in. I want this to be her time. I want her to feel the freedom to change her mind if she wants to. I want to meet her and love on her as her. I want to minister to her. I want to help her. I NEVER want to look at her as just the carrier of our baby. That statement makes my skin crawl. If she follows through with everything- we will have our time. I just want this to be hers. If this is what she really wants I will 1,000% step in and love this child as if he came out of my body. I am ready for that. I have been ready. I am just waiting to see how all of this plays out.
We haven’t met her yet. We will the week of her delivery. I am greatly looking forward to that day.
For however long we have him, whether it be a lifetime or for 2 days- the moment I see him I know I will love him. I will take care of him, I will kiss all over his sweet face. I will hold him, I will love him. I can’t consider him Steven and Maris Bush’s baby until everything is all over but I will love him.
I am speaking for myself here (Maris). I am not saying that Steven feels this way also. I just wanted to let you in on some of my thoughts as we approach October 2nd.
We are getting ready. We are excited. This is a journey that we are just daily walking through and figuring it out as we walk. I am so so thankful for all of your sweet comments. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your prayers for us and our sweet mom. We will keep you updated!
today is the day that we have officially sent off all of our paperwork for our adoption! it means that we are moving one step closer to bringing August home. we can’t tell you how excited we are about this. i finished up this afternoon around 1pm with collecting all of our stuff. I went to Kinkos and made copies, and then proceeded to the Post Office. They should receive the envelope by tomorrow. We still have a couple of more things to do before we are in the waiting process. We have our home visit, psychological testing, and our profile. then we will be put on the list! it seems like we still have alot, but after getting that small book of paperwork finished this stuff looks easy.
thanks again for all of your prayers & support. please continue to pray for us as we have these last steps to complete. pray for everything to work out with Maris’ job so that she can have the time off required to get our counseling done. pray for provision. we are almost half way there with our funds, and we still have a ways to go. i know the money will be there…but i’d be lying to you if said i didn’t worry about it at all. pray for the mother of this child & all of the things she is going through. pray for a safe pregnancy. pray for us as we try to keep focused & moving forward with what we have left to do.
you guys are the best! thanks for being a part of this journey.