I am going to do this with bullet points because its just easier!
*Friday we found out that we have to have a “home” before we go to Nashville for the adoption. Our new social worker in Texas has to come out and redo our homestudy this week. We were thinking this could be done when we got back. By the grace of God we already had a deposit down on the apt we wanted and they let us move in within 24 hours of that phone call. You can guess what we have been doing all weekend!! I am so excited to have our baby bed and changing table put together!!
*With this new information regarding our homestudy I had to make a very hard decision about Haiti. I knew our social worker was coming out to redo our homestudy and us moving into a new place that it would have been impossible for me to go to Haiti with Jamie this time. We had this trip planned way before we ever got chosen. Its so hard to know that Jamie is walking around Haiti right now and I am not with her.
*One week from today we will be driving to Tennessee!! Its getting crazy close. We are so excited and counting down the days
*I am doing ok with everything. The closer we get the more afraid I become. My days literally consist of me praying/journaling, reading my Bible, trusting, resting, getting up, doing stuff, start worrying again, surrender everything again, journal more, get busy again, start worrying, sit down and trust again and so on. It is getting harder the closer it gets. Everytime I go to God, He is constantly pushing me to trust and rest. Everytime! He just tells me to trust and that He loves me over and over again.
*Here are my fears- I am in love with this child and I long to bring him home to the place we have prepared for him but I am scared of getting hurt. I am more afraid that she will make the wrong decision and hurt for the rest of her life. I have to just pray and leave it there with God. I love adoption but it is sooooo hard!!!!!! Nobody ever said it was easy! I think I am just ready for the chance to meet her. I have to know that God is in control of everyone’s hearts and I am walking right beside him even though it is scary. He is with me and it is so evident!
*When we see him for the first time I want my heart to be fully ready to love. I don’t want to hold back because of fear. I am working towards that. I want to love for as long as we have him. Whether it be for 2 days or for the rest of his life. I know that he is not ours until those papers are signed and the time period is up but I am going to love that child for as long as we have him. (Do I say the same things over and over again in these posts? I think I do but its just good for me to get it all out.) I am very close to this- I just have to keep pushing to get there.
*I am just praying that our mom knows we will take care of this baby as our own. I don’t want her to worry about whether we will love this baby or not. I am just praying that God gives her peace about that in her decision making process.
*The reason I tell you all this is because I want to be honest through this process. I WANT people to learn and adopt because there are so many kids out there that need us! I don’t want to sugar coat anything because its not easy but I know it will all be worth it and I would do it all over again!
*Please pray that our homestudy gets done in time.
*Please pray for all of our hearts. There are so many emotions in all of this.
*Please pray for our stinking house to sell. For the love!!!
*Oh I forgot- We love our new apt!!! It is so homey already and Steven and I are having a blast putting it all together. We love it so much! I look forward to having people over and cooking for them. I look forward to having a place to where our friends and family can come and stay with us. We are sad that we will only be able to stay for a week and then leave for a month! Its nice to have a home.
Alright- I think that is enough updates for now! We will let you know what is coming in the next couple of weeks!!