I am feeling very different lately. I think I am getting a little freaked out at how close we are getting in this adoption. The agency has been sending out reference letters and everybody is telling me that they have gotten them and are sending them back in already. We have our marital counseling in the morning. Things are just working like a well oiled machine right now and I can only think that God is moving. I feel like His hands are all in this and He is moving this very quickly.
Since the day we got married, its always been just Steven and I. We have loved our precious time together! That time won’t stop just because we are adding to the family. He is such an amazing man and I find something to fall deeper in love with inside of him everyday. There is something missing though. Its like the Grinch- I feel like our hearts are growing! I can tell that we are both longing for this child. I am just starting to feel like there is something missing from us. The other day (I work at a hospital) I walked to the newborn nursery and just stood there looking through the windows at the babies. It was quiet in the hall and I just wanted to watch their little bodies and how they moved, cried, yawned and slept. It just made me feel closer.
I hear people say occasionally, “What if that baby is placed with you and you don’t feel close to that child because they haven’t grown in you and you have never seen them before.” I am NOT trying to be cheesy but since last August when God called us to move forward with this adoption I feel as if this child has been growing inside of me. Its in a different way but I have been bonding with the fact that we want to have a child ever since. I am ready. I am ready to love on any child that God places with us for the amount of time that they are with us. Even if that mom changes her mind we will love that child for however long we have them. My heart genuinely feels 8 months pregnant!
I love being an option for girls/women who get themselves into a situation that maybe they didn’t intend to get into. I am so thankful that there are positive options. Not all adoptions are healthy but I am determined to make this a healthy adoption! I really want this child’s mom to be a part of our lives if she chooses to do so. Ultimately I want to show Jesus in this entire situation. He loves. He provides. He nurtures. He heals. He has brought us as Gentiles into His family and made us sons and daughters. My heart overflows for women who are pregnant and are overwhelmed. First and best option is always to parent! If she chooses not to we would love to be a loving option for her. I just think about her all the time. Please pray for these women/girls today. Some of them are faced with very hard decisions.
We will keep you updated with where things are going. Hopefully we can be “waiting officially” within the next month. That is the goal.