There is something missing

I am feeling very different lately. I think I am getting a little freaked out at how close we are getting in this adoption. The agency has been sending out reference letters and everybody is telling me that they have gotten them and are sending them back in already. We have our marital counseling in the morning. Things are just working like a well oiled machine right now and I can only think that God is moving. I feel like His hands are all in this and He is moving this very quickly.

Since the day we got married, its always been just Steven and I. We have loved our precious time together! That time won’t stop just because we are adding to the family. He is such an amazing man and I find something to fall deeper in love with inside of him everyday. There is something missing though. Its like the Grinch- I feel like our hearts are growing! I can tell that we are both longing for this child. I am just starting to feel like there is something missing from us. The other day (I work at a hospital) I walked to the newborn nursery and just stood there looking through the windows at the babies. It was quiet in the hall and I just wanted to watch their little bodies and how they moved, cried, yawned and slept. It just made me feel closer.

I hear people say occasionally, “What if that baby is placed with you and you don’t feel close to that child because they haven’t grown in you and you have never seen them before.” I am NOT trying to be cheesy but since last August when God called us to move forward with this adoption I feel as if this child has been growing inside of me. Its in a different way but I have been bonding with the fact that we want to have a child ever since. I am ready. I am ready to love on any child that God places with us for the amount of time that they are with us. Even if that mom changes her mind we will love that child for however long we have them. My heart genuinely feels 8 months pregnant!

I love being an option for girls/women who get themselves into a situation that maybe they didn’t intend to get into. I am so thankful that there are positive options. Not all adoptions are healthy but I am determined to make this a healthy adoption! I really want this child’s mom to be a part of our lives if she chooses to do so. Ultimately I want to show Jesus in this entire situation. He loves. He provides. He nurtures. He heals. He has brought us as Gentiles into His family and made us sons and daughters. My heart overflows for women who are pregnant and are overwhelmed. First and best option is always to parent! If she chooses not to we would love to be a loving option for her. I just think about her all the time. Please pray for these women/girls today. Some of them are faced with very hard decisions.

We will keep you updated with where things are going. Hopefully we can be “waiting officially” within the next month. That is the goal.

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7 Responses to There is something missing

  1. cnpriest says:

    Maris, I remember the conversation we had about a month ago back stage in Memphis and now to read your blog today makes me so overwhelmed. I love that this is the next part of the story. Praying for the continuation of this process!

  2. akjournalist says:

    Wow, I never realized what you have to go through to adopt a child. My prayers are with you.

  3. deemus says:

    A family member adopted a girl in this manner. A college student got pregnant while drunk at a party. She was an athlete at the school, so she dropped out a semester, had the baby. My sister in law was a mid-wife, and somehow worked out the adoption.

    This little girl (Grace) was such an angel. She was so different than thier biological children. Thier kids were hyper, high-strung and loud. Grace was quiet, sweet, pleasant and always happy.

    At about age 4 they began thier interaction with the mother. It continued over the years, and she referred to her as B-mom. She loved her, understood the situation and has remained in touch and close to her over the years. It was important in helping her understand herself I think.

    She visits B-mom often, and has enjoyed being involved with her biological siblings. But she calls my family “Mom and Dad.”

    God bless you for opening your lives and hearts to this gift from God. May it be more special than you can imagine. “When you do this to the least of these, you have done it to me.”

  4. marisbush says:

    Callie- I know its crazy! I miss ya lots and would love to sit and talk again.

    akjournalist- its pretty crazy! Its even more if you do it independently. It is truly like 9 months of biological preparation.

    deemus- Thank you so much for your comment. I love hearing other stories. I love second chances. After all we have been given many more than second chances in this life. We want the mom of our child to be a HUGE part of our lives. This is not just about a baby. This is about giving her another option, loving her and doing everything we can for her. We pray that she also chooses to be a part of our lives. The verse you quoted in the end is worth every pain/struggle/waiting part of all this. He is the reason for everything. He has adopted Steven and I into his family and said that we are his children. He cares therefore we care. Thanks for the support! We are counting down the days!

  5. Erin says:

    Hello. A friend just sent me a link to your blog. She is in the process of adopting as well. She loves your idea of selling T-shirts to help raise the money they need. Do you have any words of wisdom?

    I enjoyed reading your recent post. You seem like you’re going to be great parents! Good Luck with this journey and time of waiting. I will prayer for you both! And, for the biological mother to make the right decision!

  6. Victoria says:

    I love how you are sharing the process with the world. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” James 1:27.. That looks different to each of us, but we are all still called to care for orphans. My two (now 18 and 20) came to be mine through adoption. Even though before I brought my son home I held onto worry and felt it took soooo long to hold him in my arms, looking back I realize how smooth and easy and short the entire process was. I tell people all the time – open up to you friends and families letting the know your hearts desires and needs. Ask them to pray for you during this time. I believe the “Body of Christ” should come along side a family and support them with prayer and financial gifts. Some people are called to adopt, some are called to foster, some are called to go to foreign lands to care for orphans, some are called to support/sponsor children/orphanages. SOME ARE CALLED TO HELP WITH THE FINANCIAL NEEDS TO ADOPT…. I will pray and purchase a t-shirt. I would love to have a family portrait done since I am about to leave the country to work full time with orphans in Kazakhstan, my daughter (18 yrs) has enlisted in the Navy and my son (20 yrs) has now desided to enlist in the Airforce sending us all in different directions, but we live in Virginia…. So I will keep you in my prayers and check back to see how things are going.
    I know God has a mighty plan for your family..
    May you enjoy the blessings and joys given just for today; May you keep your eyes focused on the TRUTH; and May your joy bubble over to all those around you..
    Victoria Charbonneau
    http://kazakhvictoria.blogspot.com

  7. Laura says:

    Oh I am so happy that I “happened” upon your blog! I love adoption! I love following other’s journeys. Our adoption journey was the most amazing and incredible journey that Lord has ever taken us on. I completely relate to your feelings of feeling like you have been carrying this unknown child since the Lord revealed to you that He chose you to step forward in faith with adoption. An adopted child feels absoultely no different in the amount of love you have for that child! It is miraculous, humbling, overwhelming…and beautiful! Praise Jesus for your obedience! I can’t wait to see how He works on your behalf!

    Hugs from one adoptive mama to the other!

    (your blog is wonderful!)

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