Almost got irritated…

Tonight on Grey’s Anatomy they had a couple that had just adopted a baby. The baby instantly bonded with the mom and she had some medical issues and wound up dying. The father of the child said that he could not love this child because it wasn’t his blood. He was worried that he wouldn’t bond with her. I could feel my blood pressure rising and was hoping that my favorite show would redeem itself. In the end the mom died and he came back for the baby and decided to parent. More on this later…

This was not exactly the idea of adoption that I would have wanted portrayed. I have learned a lot about adoption since we have started this journey. I had such a great picture of adoption in my head. I honestly thought that if any girl decides not to parent her child and chooses parents to raise this child then that was the ideal adoption. I need to be honest and say that I am hurt that my perspective has been tainted. I know that every adoption is not perfect. I am not nieve enough to believe that everything in this world goes a long perfectly. We have had so much negative feedback on this blog about our decision of adoption but our friends have been so wonderful and supportive. I have to say that I really in my heart of hearts believe God has called us to adopt. I also have to say that I have been greatly discouraged. I have not posted in a while and I just feel like I am not over the negativity of when we first started this blog. Obviously these comments are not on here anymore.

I guess from my closest friends I need to admit that I just need some prayer. I can’t put my finger on what is wrong but there is something in my heart that is discouraged. Its hard when you feel as if you are ready to run this race and are so pumped up and then somebody comes and knocks you down and tells you that what you are doing is all in vain. I just want this dark cloud over my head to go away.

I have a heart to adopt a child. I know that every adoption is different. I know that not everybody’s intentions are good. I know that I want to do a good thing but I have so much fear inside of my heart right now. This fear has NOTHING to do with the thought of us having a failed adoption. This fear has nothing to do with a sweet girl that changes her mind and decides to parent. Part of my fear is from outsiders looking in and thinking we just want to “take somebody’s baby away.” My fear is that people will judge us in the future not for the transracial adoption we desire but for the critism that some have with adoption in general. So I guess I am admitting I am scared of grief from people and what they think. This is just an honest blog and a stage in our journey from me (Maris) that I needed to get out and ask for prayer for. A bunch of us are going to the Bethany friends dinner on Tuesday night and I am greatly looking forward to this.

Update: Today I had my physical and tomorrow we are getting fingerprinted. We are getting so close to turning our paperwork in. I know some of you are thinking that we have taken forever to get our paperwork done but I really think this has been a special time for Steven and I. We have needed this time to prepare. We have needed this time together working on the house and preparing ourselves for a baby. We have done so much to our house and getting it baby ready. Steven has worked so hard on his days off!! We are slowly transforming our 2nd bedroom into a baby ready room. I long for a child. I feel so ready but yet so not ready!!

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10 Responses to Almost got irritated…

  1. kirkseyfamily says:

    OH Maris! You just have to remember that some people are just plain mean and stupid! I think it is awesome that you are working through your fears. It shows that this is REALLY important to you and as you persevere through this, it WILL make you a stronger person and a strong mom! Personally, I think I had just as many fears when I was pregnant. Just the total uncertainty and insecurities involved with all of it. I don’t know if that makes any sense…but I just want to encourage you guys. YOU’RE DOING THE RIGHT THING, and NO ONE has the right to tell you that you are not! We love you guys and can’t wait to see you again soon. Hang in there because your precious child needs you, and God will give you just what you need every day to be great, godly parents. And, by the way, I thought y’all did your paper work pretty fast 🙂

  2. Amanda says:

    Maris! Do not be afraid! You have nothing to fear but God alone. He put this adoption on your hearts, and how dare someone else point a judging finger on what you are doing out of love and compassion for His children. Those that judge or post negative comments are ignorant, and mean-spirited. Don’t let those comments, or those ignorant people discourage you!! They don’t know what they are talking about!! You and Bush are going to make amazing parents! LIttle August is so lucky to have you!! I will continue to pray for all of you, and specifically for what you talked about in your blog! You are such an amazing woman, stay strong, keep enduring to the end. There will always be those who are hateful, mean, and discouraging no matter what you do in life. Focus on what you know is TRUTH, and ignore the rest!! Love you guys!

  3. shaunna says:

    my sweet friend! i am praying for you! we will be at the dinner tuesday night!!! yeah!!! i recently heard a quote that said brick walls are put in our path to see how badly we want something. i thought that was cool b/c those brick walls separate the determined from the weak. i love you!!! take courage!

  4. marisbush says:

    Thanks so much for the encouragement!! I am excited to see where God takes us.

  5. Leah says:

    It’s going to be good. God is in control, and HE has good plans for you guys.

    God bless,
    ~Leah in Alaska

  6. April says:

    Maris, I was right there with you last Thursday. Ask Hannah, the way they portrayed the father of that baby and his feelings toward her, I was so upset. He did come back to get her but still..come on!! Anyhow, on another note. We have been doing a study in our key group Wed. nights titled Chase The Lion. Last Wednesday we discussed fears that keep us from doing good. The 2nd fear that I just could not get out of my mind was the judgement from people of our choice to adopt. This first one has not been that bad but we do plan to adopt domestically and be open to any gender or race the next time. Who knows what we will face from our families?? I am now struggling with letting God be in control. He will work through the our circumstances just the same…no matter what the world thinks.

  7. Vee says:

    I stumbled on your blog about 5 minutes ago. This post really touched me and I am now being urged by our God to give you a positive word. I’m sure you have spoken with many adoptive parents who have said the same thing, but let me tell you once again as a Mother who had a “natural” child and loved her completely for 7 years and then was blessed by our second “adopted” daughter, I had some of the same fears. As much as I desired another child and as long as we had waited doing the private adoption, in the states thing, I still wondered in the very crevices of my heart, would I be able to love another child as much as I loved my daughter? Would I have to work extra hard? All my questions were answered the very moment the call came that my new daughter had arrived. They were then a mere memory the moment I laid my eyes on her. I can tell you that there is absolutely no difference in the way I feel for her just because she didn’t come from my body. She is even better, she came to us from my God! Please be encouraged and know that you are now a part of my prayers. I can’t wait to see your story unfold!

  8. Erica says:

    I came across your blog recently (I love adoption blogs!) and I just wanted to tell you not to worry about all the misinformed, uneducated comments you have gotten (and will get!) Yes, it is SO frustrating (and it will be even more frustrating when you have your beautiful child and people say things right in front of them, as if kids won’t eventually understand what they are saying!). But the good thing is, your child will have a very positive, realistic view of adoption from you all, the people who he will trust the most! Our son has been home 11 months and I just try to answer questions with positive adoption language and protect his privacy as appropriate. Sometimes I feel like keeping handouts on what adoption is really like in my purse, although I haven’t gotten to that point yet! God bless you on this special journey!

  9. by way of my son, Daley, can I just say that even when you plan for them, carry them for nine months and sometimes longer….smile….have six of them…..you are never really ready……God just equips you…..in the most amazing way…..like He will for you in the waiting for this little child…..I will pray for God’s peace for you…..everything will come together…..I had an unexpected pregnancy at 40 and have plenty of new boy clothes…..let me or Daley know if you need them….I would love to send them to you…..blessings…..cyndi

  10. Sarah says:

    Just found your blog in the world’s most indirect path… and I’m so glad I did! You’ve probably already been encouraged by *hosts* of others, but as one more voice, *thank you* for choosing adoption! You’re walking a path and painting a picture of God’s ultimate love — there is no clearer picture of His sacrifice for us than adoption.
    Our best friends were called by God to have many children, only to learn they could have none of their own. Instead, He opened an opportunity for them to be foster parents. Now, in an unexpected and very exciting turn, they are adopting a baby — through Bethany as well — and are praying for God’s provision and timing as you are. All that said, I pray that you will be enveloped in peace each step of this journey. May those who would allow themselves to be used by the accuser find *nothing* to say in light of your purity of heart. And may that sweet, sweet baby be carried and delivered in health and safety, straight to your open hearts and arms. Praying for you!

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