Almost done…

We are almost done with our paperwork!! This is very exciting. I haven’t felt rushed to get it done but the closer we get to having it done the more nervous I get. After we turn it in we have like 5 meetings with the social workers and a counciller, they come to our house and make sure it is ok, we make our profile and then we are basicly waiting. SCARY. These are a few thoughts…
*Am I ready for a child?
*What am I going to do about my job that I just started?
*I have a small box of clothes for him and that is it!
*I can’t wait to have a crib in this house.
*This morning in church I was thinking about what a joke I am, how am I going to raise a child?
*The mom of this child is really on my mind. She is all I think about.
*When should I start working on the nursery?
*I am scared to death of a child!
*How is God going to provide $10 grand for us? I know he will but wow I am wondering how.
*We have asked for a boy but what if there is a need for a girl? I guess we will just pray.
*I have never felt more out of control than I do in this process. Its kindof freeing.
*I long to be a mother.
*I need to start reading baby books!!
*Will we wait for a week or will we wait for 6 months?

I know that nobody can answer all these questions for me and I dont think I really want anybody to attempt it. Yesterday I was explaining this journey to someone and I realized that I have no idea what is about to happen. I have no idea what we will go through. I want my life to look like this rollar coaster. I am SO out of control. I don’t know how to act. I like the questions. I like wondering and having to trust and rest to get me through the day!

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5 Responses to Almost done…

  1. shaunna says:

    nice. so good to hear you sounding so free. amazing that we can find freedom in the midst of questions & the unknowns. quite the paradox! i love you, my friend, and love hearing about & riding with you on this part of the roller coaster! i, too, can’t wait for you to walk through my front door with a baby in tow!!!

  2. It will amaze you how fast things will start to fall into place! I feel like I was just in your shoes with all the SAME questions and now D will be two in a few weeks!!!

  3. roni says:

    I think your journey will all just unfold for you. What is meant to be will be. Continue to let your heart and faith guide you. Someday, you will have your child in your arms and all will just feel right. As far as this childs other mom, I believe you will have open arms for her as well. And if all works out, your family will extend to more than just a child. Love is your answer and I feel you have TONS of that.

  4. Amy Marchand says:

    Hi. I stumbled along the www and found your site with your wonderful story of adoption. My husband and I live in Chattanooga and we are adopting 2 children from Haiti. We just got back from Haiti about 3 weeks ago from meeting our children. We would love to talk to you about the process and encourage you with how the Lord has blessed us during the process! We are both 31 and had no idea how we were going to find the money to adopt 2 children at the same time, but God has been faithful! We have some video of when we met our children, too, if you would like to see it. Just send me an e-mail and maybe we can connect! Pray our babies home… they are Marley age 4 and Dru age 2 and they are sisters. You will be in our thoughts and prayers!

  5. roni says:

    I read a blog today I thought you may be interested in. http://transracial.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/adoption-is-expensive
    Hopefully it will be helpful for you!
    How are things moving along for you guys? Hope to hear from you soon.

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