We are almost done with our paperwork!! This is very exciting. I haven’t felt rushed to get it done but the closer we get to having it done the more nervous I get. After we turn it in we have like 5 meetings with the social workers and a counciller, they come to our house and make sure it is ok, we make our profile and then we are basicly waiting. SCARY. These are a few thoughts…
*Am I ready for a child?
*What am I going to do about my job that I just started?
*I have a small box of clothes for him and that is it!
*I can’t wait to have a crib in this house.
*This morning in church I was thinking about what a joke I am, how am I going to raise a child?
*The mom of this child is really on my mind. She is all I think about.
*When should I start working on the nursery?
*I am scared to death of a child!
*How is God going to provide $10 grand for us? I know he will but wow I am wondering how.
*We have asked for a boy but what if there is a need for a girl? I guess we will just pray.
*I have never felt more out of control than I do in this process. Its kindof freeing.
*I long to be a mother.
*I need to start reading baby books!!
*Will we wait for a week or will we wait for 6 months?
I know that nobody can answer all these questions for me and I dont think I really want anybody to attempt it. Yesterday I was explaining this journey to someone and I realized that I have no idea what is about to happen. I have no idea what we will go through. I want my life to look like this rollar coaster. I am SO out of control. I don’t know how to act. I like the questions. I like wondering and having to trust and rest to get me through the day!